Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
