You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
