I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
