This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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