I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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