I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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