Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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