Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When are your genitals available?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
