and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
