I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
