True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
