I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize