Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
