and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
