Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
