i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
