Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
