i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
