i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
