Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
