just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i think i just lost a toe
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
