One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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