Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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