There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
