dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
