were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well you can't waste a boner
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize