Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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