You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
