Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think my moral compass just broke
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
