carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
