So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
