i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
