my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
