just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
