and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
