So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
