the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
