he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
