I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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