I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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