My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
