the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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