My nipple is on Facebook.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
