My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How external is "for external use only"?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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