You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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