Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
