What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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