She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
