its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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