Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize