he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
