How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
