Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
