so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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