I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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