I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
