I cannot find my penis.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
