Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
