woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
