I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
