How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize