My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
