Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
