I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
