we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
