I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
