jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
